Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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