My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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