Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found a bag of teeth...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
