I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
