having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
