my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
