This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
