dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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