You can't special order awesome
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize