i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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