Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize