I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
