Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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