Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
