She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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