Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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