I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize