we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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