remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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