tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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