just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
