he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
