I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
