Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
