Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
