What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
