I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
