Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
