Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
