Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
