She is in my trunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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