you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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