I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
