He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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