I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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