So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
