Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
