Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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