So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
