So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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