So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
