he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
