do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
