Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
