All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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