When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
