i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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