I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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