I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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