Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
