the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
