they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize