i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We got so high we made milksteak
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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