I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
