best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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