My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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