Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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