I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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