just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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