I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
