He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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