Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
