So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
