Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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