Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
