I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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