you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
