I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
