Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
